i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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