I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
