I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just invented taco cereal.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize