Kiss
Puke
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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