it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My balls are so social today.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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