Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
