I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
handjob tips. give me some.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
