If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so much tequila, so little girl.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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