i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I understand Curling. That high.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
