Jerry, you need to find god
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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