this boner is exhausting
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
