it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
