For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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