I wish life had little blips of pornography
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
