im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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