epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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