the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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