he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
