if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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