I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
