I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
