you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
