Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
