therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hell yes lets make some ravioli
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
