Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
