Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
