I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
