Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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