i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
