Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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