she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
