Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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