his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We left the knife in your bed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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