i think my mom watched the whole time
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
