you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
