What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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