Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
