Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
