Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
