you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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