Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
