All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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