Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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