I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
