I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
