and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize