$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
