I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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