if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
