Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
