We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
