I heard we made out
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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