MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
im on a boat
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