There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
