I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
one two three fourrrrnication!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
