She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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