what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize