you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
