just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
