come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
