i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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