I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
