you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
