one might say we're banned from that church
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
