Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
