$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
