I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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