If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
