I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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