Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
