Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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