I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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