he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
