We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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