made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
