Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
