This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize