im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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