sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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