There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the liver wants what the liver wants
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
