Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my liver is dry heaving
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
