it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it hurts more in the daytime
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
