this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
