Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
