i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
