she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
