READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
