Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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