help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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