I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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