My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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