Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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