She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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