If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't turn off my feet"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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