I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
