when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
