i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
