my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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